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Saturday, April 26, 2008
A Night Off
by The Angry Bouncer
“How come we never see you out?” Customers that I can actually stand ask me that question quite a bit, and the other day, I sat down and thought about it. Here’s the best explanation I can muster for why I’m not seen in clubs too often..
It’s damn near impossible for me to go to clubs on my nights off. After working in this business for as long as I have, I see a club through a very different lens than you, the average consumer. You walk up to a nightclub and see a long line, and you think “Shit, there’s a long line.” Then, you think about whose name you’re going to drop, how much money it’s going to take to get ahead of the line, etc. I walk up to a nightclub with a long line, and immediately start picking apart the customers. I don’t try, that’s just where my mind goes. Do they meet dress code? Do they look wasted already? Are they on drugs? Do they look like they might be a problem? Is anyone standing in line with what I like to call the “I think I’m a hard-ass posture?” Then I kick myself in the ass, because it’s not my problem when I’m not working. After that, I shake my head. Not literally, but it is kind of fucked up how my part time job can mess with my ability to go out and have a good time.
You arrive at the lobby, and pay your cover, or whine about paying the cover. I look to see if the floor is clean, and if whoever is taking the cover charge is managing to keep a smile on their face and stay pleasant. This is a customer service business after all, and believe it or not, we really do try to remain pleasant at all times. This is despite the fact that you, the customer, are an incredible pain in the ass a lot of the time. You proceed into the club, and many times notice the décor, or the eye candy that is bouncing around on some sort of platform or stage, known as a go go dancer. I immediately look to see where the exits are, and where security is placed. Again, it’s subconscious. I don’t try to do it, but walking into a club many times tells my brain that I’m at work. Who the hell really wants to be at work? That, in a nutshell, is why clubs kind of suck for me.
This brings me to a situation that arises when I DO go out. “Hey, hey, hey I know you, HEY…guy from (name of club withheld),” you yell from across the bar. Hello, nice to see you. My name however, is not “Guy from(club name withheld).” You hang out at my place of employment all the time. You seem to think that I should remember your name, which by the way I don’t. You seem to think that I should give you special treatment of some sort. You expect all these things, but you don’t even know my name. I bet you know your usual bartender’s name. If you plan to obnoxiously demand that I say hello to you, take the time to know my name. Immediately after getting my attention in this most obnoxious manner, everyone asks the exact same question. Every single fucking time, the exact same question comes out of their mouths. With a confused look on their faces, they ask “You’re not working tonight?” Well, lets see. I am not wearing a suit, and I have a beer in my hand, so no I am not working tonight. Seriously, am I not entitled a night off once a blue moon? I’m gonna go out on a limb here and guess that when these people were in grade school, they thought their teacher lived at the school, and kind of freaked out when they saw her/him out in public.
A little common decency, and politeness is all I’m asking for here. Feel free to come and introduce yourself if you see me out in a club partying. Believe it or not, I like to meet new people. An introduction and a handshake is cool. Referring to me as “guy from (name of club withheld)” is not. Also, if you offer to buy me a drink, please don’t be offended if I say no. I’m not saying no to be rude, and I sure as hell am not saying no because I don’t want another drink. I’m saying no because I don’t ever want to feel like I owe you something While you may be the extremely rare person offering to buy me a drink out of the goodness of your heart, the odds don’t favor it. Most of the time, when a customer wants to buy me a drink, it has strings attached. I’m not in anyone’s pocket, and I don’t plan to be anytime soon. Especially not for the price of a jack and coke.
Have a great weekend, The Angry Bouncer.
You can email The Angry Bouncer at TheAngryBouncer@TwinCitiesNightClubs.com
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